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They say you shouldn't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I'd like to add that you shouldn't judge someone for not breastfeeding until you've had tender boobs. My goodness is it unpleasant. I had read that breastfeeding was no picnic in the beginning most times, but I did not expect it to be so difficult. I'm so glad there's a new movement to replace "breast is best" with "fed is best".
My plan was to exclusively breastfeed until my baby was at least 3 months old, hopefully 6. This is not was nature had in mind.
My milk supply came in about 3 days postpartum, but there never seemed to be enough. During doctor visits, our pediatrician assured me that baby girl was making the right amount of wet diapers, so I should just keep doing what I was doing. Unfortunately, that meant very sore and cracked nipples that would bleed from time to time. Sure there's lanolin, but you have to remember to put it on and you have to find the time. They really aren't joking when they say you'll skip meals, showers, sleep, and everything you thought was essential to survive.
Our pediatrician noticed at the hospital that our baby girl had a slight tongue tie, which meant that her frenulum (the little piece connecting the tongue to the bottom of the mouth) was a bit too short and wouldn't allow her to latch properly with her tongue extended out. This is what led to the constant battle of latching and relatching the entire feeding session. And all that on and off is what caused my nipples to be so sore as she'd get frustrated and bite down on the very end. I felt like she was on me constantly and a lot of times dissatisfied with the amount of milk she was getting.
After about a week, we decided that at her next doctor's appointment, we would do the recommended snip of her frenulum to solve her tongue tie and ultimately her latching issue. The doctor made it seems like that was all that needed to be done. Not only was that not the case, but the piercing screams were enough to make any parent feel a load of guilt. No one can prepare you for that type of scream either. Don't get me wrong, I do feel like we made the right decision as tongue ties can lead to speech problems later on down the road.
Day after day I expected her latch to improve. I was doing the sandwich technique of squishing my breast down to fit in her mouth and I was trying the football hold, cradle hold, and lazy laid back hold. I would tickle her nose with my nipple and then let her open her mouth wide before putting her on. Even so, her latch only slightly improved. She still came off many times during a feed and I was eventually frustrated.
After a few doctor appointments when we would check in about breastfeeding, wet and dirty diapers, and sleep habits, the doctor said I could try using a nipple shield. And that we could supplement with formula, but to use a dropper so that she wouldn't get used to the bottle nipple.
Boy, was that weird. We would prop her up on a Boppy pillow and feed her like a bird, being careful not to let her suck on the dropper. We were so afraid of nipple confusion. Come to find out, there is little evidence to suggest that nipple confusion is actually a thing, let alone common.
Once I figured that out, it was time to introduce the bottle. My baby girl was SO happy. She ate quickly and then would fall asleep in a food coma. It was beautiful. We also started using a pacifier in certain situations like when she was in her car seat or if we knew she was so full she might just pop. Even now, as a 3 month old, our baby girl will breastfeed with a nipple shield, drink from a bottle, and on occasion accept a pacifier. These tools were my heroes.
After I let myself try new strategies and got the fear of nipple confusion out of my head, my baby's sleep improved because her tummy was full, my sleep improved in turn, and I actually started feeling good again about literally everything.
The most valuable lesson I learned from all this is that parents are the best advocates for their babies. You're the ones who see their patterns best. Sure, doctors know the research, but they also have their own opinions. And as far as I'm concerned, fed is definitely best.
I hope wherever you are in your journey, you've realized that you're doing a good job. Nobody is perfect, but attentive parents come pretty close. I'd call it good enough.
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