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Outside Pressures
Outside Pressures
"You'll bounce back!" "It'll be easy to lose the baby weight." Sounds familiar? As a society, we need to work on the way we talk to pregnant women, new moms, and even just women in general. Hopefully people were kind to you in your pregnancy and postpartum days, but I'm willing to bet at least one person made an off-color comment about your body. And it's likely that comment lived way too long in your head rent-free.
I would like to think my experience was pretty average as far as these things go. I wasn't constantly bombarded with comments, but the comments I did receive were taken to heart. This is natural since during pregnancy and postpartum your hormones are all over the place and you tend to be a little more sensitive, if not a lot more sensitive. To the left is a picture of me about 2 months postpartum that I was once embarrassed by. Seems so silly now as the picture isn't even about me! Look at that cutie pie!
Before becoming pregnant, I had never been overweight. I've always been short, but I was also fit from staying decently active. During my pregnancy, I didn't gain a whole lot of weight until the last 3 months, which is pretty normal since baby does the most noticeable growing then. Overall I gained 45 pounds up to my baby's due date and delivered her the next day. Most of that weight was baby, placenta, and amniotic fluid, but some of the weight was all the ice cream I'd eat at night to counteract my ridiculously unrelenting heartburn. I would get heartburn from the common culprits like pizza and spicy chicken wings, but also I would get heartburn from the weirdest things like certain fruits and vegetables. To the right you'll see a picture of me when I was about 2 months pregnant.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I had several people tell me things like "Whoa! You're getting so big!" This did not do me any favors in the ego department. I was already self-conscious about the things I saw in the mirror: flabby arms, thicker than usual thighs, and double chin. About a month postpartum, I had several people asks me if I was trying to lose weight. Someone very close to me actually gave me a weight loss supplement with a bonus of unsolicited advice. I wasn't too worried about my weight until this point. Then came the downward spiral. "Do I really look that bad? What if I never lose the weight and I'm always going to look and feel like this? Should I just give up all hopes of wearing a bikini ever again? Will I ever feel good in my own skin? Why am I still not losing weight even though I'm breastfeeding? How long does this 'bouncing back' business take?" On top of these thoughts, I avoided mirrors and taking pictures, obsessed about the number on the scale, and hated getting dressed each day. My closet was full of clothes I didn't fit into and they all seemed to be taunting me in my new state of "too big."
Love and Support
Love and Support
I realized months later that I had postpartum depression and only then did I start to make sense of the complicated emotions I felt. I didn't necessarily hate my body, but I wasn't proud of it either. Regardless of intentions, the comments I received stung me to my core because I was extra sensitive to negativity, not because I had reason to be ashamed. I have also since realized that most of these comments came from men or women who did not give birth. Now it seems so silly that I took offense from something that was said by a person with zero experience with motherhood.
Luckily my husband made something very clear to me early on postpartum: my job was to care for our new baby and that did not leave room for caring about people's word vomit opinions. My husband has always seen my body in a positive light and he knew how absurd my expectations and impressionability were at the time. He didn't make me feel bad for feeling bad. He just remained positive and knew that I would come around. He has to this day never made a negative comment about my body. I'm so thankful for his unconditional love and support and also for his big-picture focus. If you don't have anyone assuring you that your body is still bangin' and beautiful, surround yourself with better people. You deserve to rock your new mom bod!
Now at 8 months postpartum, I could care less what people say to me about my weight. Sure I've lost more weight since then, but I've also not focused so much on it and I just don't put up with that kind of disrespect anymore. It's pretty ironic that my weight didn't change much when I was obsessed with it and it just kind of fell off slowly the less I worried about it. I've since learned that women are much more prone to weight gain when they are stressed, so now it all makes sense.
Shifting My Focus
Shifting My Focus
What did I do to lose weight? I stopped weighing myself daily and only allowed myself to do this once per week at most. A lot of times I wouldn't even remember a week had passed and I wouldn't weigh myself for two or three weeks. I starting walking multiple times a day. The sunshine is good for my mental clarity and the relaxed pace helps burn calories without resulting in stress. I don't always eat only what's "healthy", but I've cut out unnecessary sugars where possible. I've found foods that are more balanced because they have more protein. I've realized peanut butter is not something I can compromise on. There's just something about the natural peanut butter I simply can't do. Peanut butter is one of my favorite foods, so I need to enjoy it to its fullest! I have swapped cereal, bread, pasta, tortillas, ice cream, and a few other foods. I have in no way eliminated these foods, just found better options. Most of the time the better options have more protein and fewer carbs. Still tastes delicious!
I also made a huge change with my wardrobe. I realized I had it twisted by thinking I didn't fit into my clothes. The reality is that my clothes didn't fit me. Clothes serve us until they don't. We own our clothes, not the other way around. At 4 months postpartum I donated several bags of clothes and that was the impetus for winning back my confidence. Even now months later, I don't miss a single item that didn't fit! It was such a good excuse to minimize my wardrobe and I have only replaced certain styles that I still wear (basically all cute and casual). I look forward to getting dressed now. I highly recommend getting dressed even if you're not going outside. Getting ready each morning does wonders for your mental health and productivity! It's those small accomplishments to start your day that pave the way for happiness and success.
The shift in my mindset was critical for all the good things that happened since those unkind comments were made. I am mother to the most precious baby girl. My body grew her full term from just a few cells. Sure I have some stretch marks and my belly sags a bit, but you'd be hard pressed to find a mom who doesn't have these. These moms would be considered outliers and more power to you if that's you! But anyway, it's normal to hold on to your baby weight longer than you'd like. We just need to normalize loving our bodies anyway. All we need is a little shift in our words and thoughts. Instead of saying "Whoa, you're getting so big!" let's say "Wow, your body is doing amazing things!" Instead of "You'll bounce back" we can say "Healthy changes take time." Instead of "Try this XYZ trick to lose weight" we could be telling new moms "I know you're beyond busy and exhausted and you deserve a break. What can I do for you?" Just as we can swap foods, we can swap our own thoughts and our words to others.
Let's get back to being kind to others and more importantly kind to ourselves despite what others have said to us. And get yourself clothes that fit your new beautiful mom bod. It's amazing how a pair of high waisted jeans and a flowy top can make the most of your new and improved shape!
Here's the main reason to love my body: my healthy, happy baby! I want her to grow up confident and strong, just like her momma! I want her to wake up every day and think, "How did I get so lucky to be this cute?"
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